love

Attitude Is Everything
How do you have a successful relationship? Love, forbearance, kindness – these are the things that you will need to move you beyond the everyday madness.

Playing Well With Others
My recent experience with people I helped, trusted, and got screwed by, have made me a bit of a recluse. I’m prepared to jump back into the pool but I intend to be even more scrupulous than Diogenes. I do this not out of regard for my feelings but out of concern for the work that is left for me to do. Some of what follows is “do as I say” but the past year has provided me with the closest I have gotten to a “mountaintop experience.” I choose to believe that this has also provide me with some wisdom but you be the judge.

If we can’t get along with some people, we should find a way to leave them alone. What others do is their concern.  If they fail to maintain this harmony then they will receive the results of their mistakes.  We should keep in mind, though, that if we are able to maintain the integrity of our own minds and hearts (something that I have not always been successful doing), then we set an example and model for others to follow because love and goodness are contagious. 

It’s Not What Happens To You…
It’s how you feel/think about what happens to you.

The quality of thought we send out to people is usually returned to us in the same way – whether these thoughts are positive or negative. What others do is their concern.  If they fail to maintain this harmony then they will receive the results of their mistakes.   No matter what the object of our attention, our attitude towards it reacts back upon us. 

God and Nature
Make a friend of Nature, be a friend of humanity, be a friend of God.  When you assume this normal attitude toward all things you are moving with the current.  When you desire to make friends with all of Nature, humanity, and God, you will discover that any feelings of fear will begin to dissolve. Aim to always preserve your mental state by remaining in harmony with this inner model of love, wisdom, and strength.  Let all your concepts be in line with it, and when you come upon something that feels alien to it, exclude it from your consciousness.  Put a guard at the door of the mind and examine every thought that tries to gain entry.  Decide if it is in accord with the good government of the mind, or antagonistic to it, in which case, slam the door in its face.  If this vigorous inspection is done regularly, there will come a time when these thoughts no longer seek to enter.  On the other hand, the more often you let them in, the more trouble they will make and they more difficult they will be to remove. It’s your choice. Take responsibility.

Energy Flow
It is the persistent habits of thought which mold the brain. Consciousness is a flowing stream. The mind constantly generates thought-energy. Much of the energy goes to waste. Much is misdirected and causes harm. It is only common sense to harness and direct this thought-energy. This is the first step in self-help. Your mind is your own; you are liberating this energy and yet you have been wasting and misdirecting it for years to your own harm. Now you must take control and make this energy serve your purpose.

The Machine and Moral Imagination
Gravity, electricity, and nuclear energy were all unharnessed at one point. Once we had discovered certain fundamental laws of motion, mechanics, electromagnetism, and an understanding of the elements, we were able to put these forces in our service.
Just as a machine must be planned in accord and with reference to the laws of motion and mechanics if it is going to be able to use the energy supplied to it, so must we plan and control our thought-energy with reference to fundamental laws of Thought if we are to use that energy to advantage. If a machine is not properly constructed or placed, not only will it not do its work, but it will eventually damage its own internal structure. This is the same thing that happens with a wrongly directed mind – it won’t work the way we need it to and this will have an effect on our nervous system. There is a normal way of thinking and a normal way of responding to the things that present themselves in our environment. Some of these things we remain ignorant of and some things are well known to us. In our day-to-day relations, we have a fairly good idea of how to conduct ourselves and we generally (except in war and certain business situations) follow the blueprint. For the most part, we act like the social creatures we are. This way of being is so seemingly natural for us that we miss sight of how subtly we balance these relations. Our thoughts of people count for or against our peace of mind as well. We may fool other people , but we are not as good at fooling ourselves and we never deceive our brains. We can pretend all we like but throughout, our real motives are molding our brains and establishing neural pathways that are quite at odds with our pretensions. The “normal” attitude to our fellow humans should be one of love, kindness, and forbearance – forbearance, because if we understood the conditions that have made them what they are, we would no longer be so inclined to judge.

The past two weeks have found me in Baltimore conducting a leadership course on mentoring and coaching for their police department, and in the Bronx as an assistant football coach for the last game of the season.

With both groups, I have taken some chances and talked to these teenagers and men engaged in hard activities about the importance of love. I’ve gotten some interesting reactions. A couple of my football colleagues openly made fun of my assertion that love was a quality that could elevate these tough,gritty endeavors to something that was transcendent. They don’t get that you can talk about kicking all kinds of ass but it doesn’t buy you what you really need.

It seems to me that love, trust, and respect are great foundations on which to build any warrior culture. The ability to discuss these openly in the company of men would also mean that courage would also have to be a part of the group’s DNA.

I may be hallucinating but I thought I saw glimmers of interest from the sergeants and my players in further discussion on the the topic. Even if this is my hallucination, I’m going to keep trying. I’ll ignore the smirks and jokes born out of fear and insecurity.

A new definition of masculinity can embrace both notions of love and the fierceness of the warrior. Too many men live in a purgatory where neither quality is present. We all suffer because of that.

Just a few notes:

I left integrity out of my list of qualities that I mention in the video -- it belongs at or near the top.

Once you get clear about your moral boundaries and the things you are willing to fight for -- DON’T SHARE THEM!. Your enemies and your putative allies/friends will attempt to use this against you to gain your position and presumed power.

You probably won’t find yourself in a debate about different moral codes or concerned about moral relativism. It will more likely be your code on one side and the absence of any code on the other. Hopefully, that will make your Rubicon clearer.

Finally -- yes, I do know what a “fill light” is and I promise to do better next time( I choose not to blame this on my 9 year-old camera man).

In the words of Emile Zola, whatever you do, “Live your life out loud!”