work/life

Unplugging
The past year has made for a wild ride.  I disconnected from the Matrix when I quit my job in December 2009.  This was a move away from a culture of deception and mediocrity.  It was also a move into a scary future that I hoped would allow me to live my values more fully while being of some service to a wider world.

As many people who have made this leap know, figuring out things like how to put food on the table, pay a mortgage, children’s tuition, health insurance (or not) – can take away from your entrepreneurial energy as well as put a strain on a marriage.

I’ve lost “friends” who, it seems, only defined me by my professional position and the social status that it temporarily conveyed. Stepping out of a lie allows you to breathe but those first breaths can be painful.

New Friends and Old Friends
I have been fortunate to have gone through several periods of “awakening” and this run at freedom is one of those times. I have been able to affirm the value of some people who have been close to me and learn from the fear and weakness of others who maybe once were. I’ve had a self-taught Masters-level education in online media and marketing, discovered inspiration in the blogosphere and rediscovered it in person. The education my children are receiving as Mommy and Daddy work from home has also been priceless. This run we’re making has as much to do with their future freedom as it does with their parents’ declaration of independence.

Social Media Muses
Some of the muses from the blogosphere who have kept me going are (in no particular order):

• Danielle Laporte of White Hot Truth; she is irreverent and motivational.  She provides an excellent model of how social media can be used to promote freedom, creativity and caring;
• Chris Brogan - he’s one of the gurus of social media and incites a lot of passion – most of it positive.  What I know is that his book “Trust Agents” was my first guide to this world and that this guy with thousands of followers took the time to answer my introductory “tweet.”
• Johnny B. Truant, one of the cool guys in the space.  He got my Boomer Ronin site up while answering my newbie concerns in an incredibly responsive, patient, and educational manner.  He also introduced us to a wonderful guy who redesigned the site for our girls school in India;
• Dave Navarro ,who puts out some of the best products I have found for people who are trying to figure out how to do business on the internet;
• Justin Lukasavige, whose podcast I listen to religiously.  He talks about coaching and does it with unabashed  enthusiasm.
• John Carlton – this guy is one of the giants in sales copywriting.  I have a couple of his products and I’m saving up to attend one of his live events.  If I have the discipline to follow his materials, I’ll be a lot better off a lot faster.  I will also follow his advice to teach my children the copywriting skills that will put them in a better position than some of the learnings they will receive in the “academy”;
• Lev Natan of The Empowerment Connection; we’ve only connected online but I really like what I see on his site and I look forward to a possible collaboration in 2011.

Offline Inspiration
Now for the people I interact with offline:

• Karen Best – My Princeton classmate and co-manger (and who carried me for 4 yrs.!) during my student job at Princeton; a courageous parent and entrepreneur;
• Ian Cameron – friends since we were 18.  Me from Harlem, him from Mt. Desert Island in Maine.  He’s a fly-fishing guide who does that Frank Sinatra  ”My Way” thing better than anyone I know;
• Carl Kissin – a classmate from Collegiate who I’ve recently reconnected with during his production of “Date of a Lifetime.”  You saw it coming more than three decades ago – he really is a comedy genius;
• Adam Walinsky – among other things, he worked with Bobby Kennedy and has done more than anyone in modern times to get police to do their work in a better way.  He is a major inspiration for me as I tilt at windmills.  I’m honored that he has brought me in to play some small role in re-creating the Baltimore Police Department under its visionary Commissioner;

Tony (“Dino”) – I knew him as a little boy and he’s grown into an incredible man. He’s a protector of society. For more than two decades he has been one of those who stands between us and the wolves. As if that were not enough, he has been forced to “speak truth to power” in another bureaucracy that eats its best;

• Yaromil Olivares -go read her excellent post today at Boomer Ronin. She too decided that being surrounded by  dishonesty, fecklessness, and lassitude was too high a price to pay for an impressive title and paycheck.  Her courage is only matched by her sense of purpose and her creativity.  We’re going to do great things together in our business. She is also a Creativity Coach who you should check out for your individual growth;
• Bernadette Hageman -my wife – the person who shapes my craziness into something productive.  She runs the house, takes care of our disparate band of children, runs the foundation that supports dozens of girls in India in their education and and their lives, handles the administrative duties for my growing “empire,” renovates the space for our new personal training facility, provides more value to my sister as her friend than I do to my sister as a brother, finds time to provide motherly advice to a number of “Millenials” and she still finds the time to love me even though she didn’t exactly sign on for this current tour of duty.

So, “Thank You” to my new social media friends and much love to all the people above and others, who let me know that this tribe is possible and necessary.

For people new to this blog and for those returning who haven’t already done so, subscribe using the blue and white form down and to the right or with the cool “Pop-up.” We’re pretty smart, we care, and we always like making new friends.

Rent
I rented for most of my adult life. The places were ok but they reflected my lack of emotional investment. When you rent, you may do it because of your economic reality, for convenience, or maybe because of an unwillingness to commit.

Own
As an owner (well, someone with a mortgage), I can no longer pretend. My wife and I own the blessings and the curses – a backyard, barbecues whenever we want, space for my books and exercise stuff, relative privacy, equity, space, as well as roof leaks, broken boilers, sanitation fines because of inconsiderate passers-by, crime outside the door, and people thinking we have more money than we do.

How Are You Living?
Economic realities aside, I believe that some people are temperamentally predisposed to either owning or renting. Renting for some means mobility and freedom. For others, a “renter’s mentality” is a reflection of their world view. These are the people who are unaware of where their food comes from and who couldn’t care less about the impact their dining choices have on the environment. These are the people who will pay any price for their children’s education and who feel that the education of children less fortunate than their own is “management’s” problem. These are the people who lack awareness of the bodies they inhabit (check out Exuberant Animal) and who carry this alienation into fear of strangers – the “other.” The concept of community to these “renters” means as much as the candy they cheerfully distribute at Halloween.

My wife and I have a lot of headaches and a lot of insecurity because of our decision to be owners but we wouldn’t change a thing. We have put our “bucket” down. Where we live is a reflection of how we live.

What Impact Will You Have?

Impact
This is a continuation of the series of posts on “Well-Formed Outcomes.” It’s important to consider the impact that the  accomplishment of a major goal may have on you and the people around you.  We’ve all been warned: “Be careful what you wish for!”

Here We Go Again With The Questions!
Much of the value of coaching comes from its emphasis on the use of questions to improve a person’s thinking. Goal attainment and winning are stressed so highly in this culture that we often don’t pay enough attention to the collateral damage that can occur. Our thinking becomes too narrowly focused. The right questions open up the environment around us and help us to be clear about what we think we want.

1.Gain
The first question asks: “What will I gain when I achieve this?” This presupposes that we have already taken the incredibly important step of getting clear about our values. When I left my last job, I knew that along with freedom came uncertainty.  The opportunity may be incredible but are the gains enough to offset possible losses? Sometimes, it may not be obvious that there is a tradeoff when you take an action but King Midas also found out that everything has a cost.

2.Loss
You’ve made the decision to go back to school to improve your long term economic prospects. Will the loss of your current job be worth it? Will the time away from your children be ok?

3.Got It!
What will happen when you achieve your outcome? When I left my law career to found a school for under-servd children, I thought people would respect my decision or even find the cause admirable. What I hadn’t accounted for was the loss of many of my “friends.” This was more than offset by the positive changes I was able to make in a lot of young people’s lives.

4.What Won’t Happen When I Have This Outcome?
You’ve been successful saving for the car of your dreams. That now means you’ll have to wait longer for that down payment on the condo. It will also mean that you no longer have to rely on friends for rides to work and the supermarket.

5.What Will Happen If I Don’t Get It?
You weren’t able to make the career switch. The morning stomach pains will continue as you head back to the same ‘ol grind. It might also mean that you are able to stay in the city you love instead of having to relocate.

6.What Won’t Happen If I Don’t Get The Outcome?
The job didn’t come through. The kids don’t have to leave their friends behind because they aren’t moving after all. Your husband can stay in his job and you won’t have to stop volunteering at the youth boxing gym.

Write down the six questions. Chart out the good and the bad of achieving and not achieving the outcome. It may appear tedious but it could also save you a lot of headaches later.  We can’t get our time back so spend it wisely, put in a little time,  and improve your outcome thinking with the right questions.

Check out the whole movie when you can. Pam Slim, Michael Port, Justin Lukasavige, Chris Brogan, Janet Atkinson, John Carlton, and Hans Hageman & Associates, are some great places to start if you need or want to investigate the employment side of life as a masterless Samurai -- the Ronin. There is no better time.

This post was going to be in the form of a video but that will come later in the week. My wife is nervous that people who have seen my videos believe that I have lost my mind. I pointed out two things to her. The first is that most of the readers of this blog have never met me, so you will assume that whatever you see here is just who I am. The second thing I pointed out is that my insanity has always been part of my charm. This post is about our reluctance to embrace change and the mysterious.

Our attachment to the Age of Reason has moved us away from our essential nature. For men, that has meant the loss of the Warrior Spirit. For all of us it has meant a counterintuitive loss of sophistication and complexity. If we ignore the connections among Mind, Body, and Spirit, then we become only stick people. When life’s problems do not fall before our reasoned approaches, we are all of a sudden at a loss and unable to move forward.

The field of psychoneuroimmunology is pointing to the consequences when there is a disconnect between the mind and body. Reason has its place but it’s also about doing and nurturing, reflection and action. Too many of us stop short on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and have no idea that moving towards self-actualization and a belief in something larger than ourselves will prevent our descent into lives of “quiet desperation.”

Learn how to really breathe, make your workouts (if you even workout!) more complex and sophisticated, understand what it means to truly love, give up your scientific humanism for the miraculous, and find your True North.

Well, after this, my wife may be wishing for the video