school

I have never found regret to be a useful emotion. It’s tough to learn from regret and it prevents forward movement. If you can work yourself up to something a little stronger, like guilt or remorse, there may be some positive benefits – a necessary apology, or a change in behavior or a different approach for next time.

As Frank said, “Regrets? I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.” I was able to figure something out when I practiced law and while not perfected, it has allowed me to lessen some of the kinds of regrets I hear too many people experiencing. Perhaps this is because of some really high self esteem but I like to hallucinate that it’s mainly because of a fairly regular values inventory.

We get our values from experience, family, role models, and various cultural/media messages. For the most part, they remain outside of our conscious awareness. Our values often change with context, age, and experience but I believe that people are happiest and most successful when they are able to establish “bedrock” values that aren’t contextual.

In some of my recent work with police officers I was interested in their answers in response to questions about their values. Like many of us, they hadn’t given too much thought to their personal values or to the values that are important to police work. In this line of work, if your personal values don’t line up/aren’t congruent with those of your job, the consequences can be extreme. It was a good discussion and the conversation was more honest and robust than it could have ever been with the board members and many senior staff at Boys & Girls Harbor.

Some of the questions I asked them are the questions I have asked myself at different times in my professional life:

• What’s really important to you?
• What motivates you to do what you do at work and for your family?
• What things, people, experiences do you feel you can’t live without?
• What do you get most excited about?  When?
• In what areas of your life do you refuse to compromise?

After you answer these questions, ask yourself, “Do I live these answers?” Understand that when you don’t, you pay a price. It’s too simple to be described by single words but since we live in the land of McDonald’s, here are a list of some values that serve as my bedrock:

• Honesty
• Compassion
• Directness
• Freedom
• Truth
• Generosity
• Mastery
• Family
• Duty
• Sacrifice
• Knowledge
• Achievement

These aren’t in order of importance.  Another interesting exercise is to rank them.  Send me a comment or email if you want a post on this.  What I do know, is that there was a conflict between my bedrock values and the people who were calling the shots at my job.  I am grateful that they brought me back to awareness and I thank you all for joining me on my latest adventure.

Write me with examples in your life when your values came into conflict with the living (not espoused) values of your job.

Jai Ho!

I saw this story today and it caused me to reminisce. You see, once upon a time, I was a Scout leader. I had never been a Boy Scout myself but I was desperate to attack the “Nature Deficit Disorder” of the students in my East Harlem school. My kids were the most unlikely of Scouts but we won awards and were chosen to go to the Mecca of Scouting, Philmont, for two weeks.

I was never comfortable wearing the Boy Scout uniform and my visible enthusiasm was, I’m sure, just a shadow of that shown by almost every other Scout master I met. There were some people who were not the most enlightened and cosmopolitan but we were privileged to work with some incredible individuals in the New York Council like Diego Aviles. Yeah, the Boy Scouts have some problems but my students, boys AND girls, had experiences that I could never have provided them. The Scouts have some problems that need to be fixed but if they’re becoming irrelevant, it’s more a reflection of a flawed society than it is a reflection of what BSA brings to the game.

Today, February 8th, marks the centennial of Boy Scouts in America. Over the past century, more than 110 million boys, young men, moms and dads have been members of the BSA. However, with such a momentous celebration at-hand, the Boy Scouts, in many ways, are a struggling organization. At a time when shows like “Man Vs Wild” and “Survivorman” are experiencing immense popularity and global awareness of the environment is at a high, wouldn’t it make sense that an organization like the Boy Scouts would see a surge in enrollment? After all, the scouting program specializes in promoting survival skills and enjoyment of the outdoors as its biggest recruiting tools for boys and young men.wired.com, After 100 Years, Are The Boy Scouts Still Relevant?, Feb 2010

You should read the whole article.

I’ll be talking about health, lawyers, and such in future posts but this one will be some news/observations about schooling and family. An interesting event took place in New Hampshire recently where a small group of legislators sought to cut back on homeschooling. They were trying to institute what were described by homeschool supporters as “draconian measures.” The legislation was resoundingly defeated by the state’s organized homeschool movement. I was heartened by the homeschool victory and amused by the fact that the proposed “draconian measures” would actually have made New Hampshire law scarily like that of New York’s.

My respect for options like homeschooling and the democratic school movement continues to grow. The growth has been helped as I read the reflections of Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, W.E.B. Dubois, Frederick Douglass, Henry Adams, Abraham Lincoln, and others on their own educational paths.

I look back on my own education and increasingly realize the gaps. The gaps are not evidenced by lack of prestige or professional attainment. My realization focuses on the question (and the disappointing answer) of how useful my formal education has made me to those around me. My new freedom will hopefully allow me to do something about that. I look forward to scheduling training as an EMT; getting licensed as a Ham Radio operator; becoming an NRA firearms instructor; teaching English to people intent on becoming citizens; and teaching adults and children how to crack the code so that they can begin to read.

In my perfect world, I would be able to share the lessons I have learned with children who have no families – my wife and I would love to run an orphanage. Newt Gingrich caused an uproar when he suggested that a number of poor children would be better off in orphanages. There are studies to show that he was not far from the truth for many children. I have my own experience in dealing with foster parents who seem to look at this arrangement as solely a way to make money.

My orphanage would ideally be in a remote rural area where the children would work hard, be raised in a non-denominational Christian setting, eat lots of healthy food, be raised with a lot of love, learn in a natural way that made sense for each child, engage in combative sports, and learn wilderness and social survival skills – children growing up to be decent AND strong. We wouldn’t have the best of anything but we would have an abundance of the most important things.

My former board members at Boys & Girls Harbor (you didn’t think I would leave you out of a weekend post, did you?), the foolish statements, of those being questioned by the Financial Crisis Inquiry Committee, and the proven and growing resolve of this country’s enemies show me that education has to train and develop character. Young people must be educated to become useful. Their education should prepare them to change someone else’s life and to “pay it forward.” We’ve already seen what happens when people get stuck at lower stages of moral development. The country (and the voiceless of the world) cannot continue to survive our lack of focus.

Robert Heinlein was correct when he stated that “specialization is for insects.” I am distilling my educational philosophy more and more. I want my students to learn how to “live well.” That will mean they need to gain education that is useful. They will need to develop the “barbarian virtues” at the same time they acquire the civilized ones. They must become servant leaders who cultivate self-discipline, accountability, frugality, good manners, curiosity, a sense of the possible, and the ability to be dangerous in pursuit of the good.

Developing a school culture that teaches these things has been/will be difficult in a culture that looks to imposed discipline, nice hall displays, and standardized test scores as the measure of a good school. It’s not popular to point out that academic achievement often does not correlate to happy and successful living.