Is This Really All There Is?

Reflection and Action for Leadership

Category: courage

High School Football and Men

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high school football

My adventure now includes a role as a volunteer high school football coach.  In fact, my posts haven’t been as regular as I’d like because of the “two-a-days” being conducted at the high school’s field in the Bronx.  This post is not going to be profound.  In writing it I get to be a little wistful, a little amazed, and a lot frustrated by the experience.

Each time I show up to the school, I enter into an unapologetic man’s world.  It’s one of sweat, profanity, chewing tobacco, childish humor, and talk of the glory days long past.  My own football glory days were limited as my high school had only enough personnel to field a team for two of my high school years.  With the recent revelations about the brain injuries that football can cause, I now believe that my truncated career was a blessing.  But I now get to engage in mature reflections about the game and at the same time improve my cognitive function by learning its intricacies.

I’m working as the strength coach and assistant running back coach at one of the largest high schools in New York City.  Their four-year graduation rate is under 30%.  Despite the challenges, a group of 45 young men show up in the summer for ten hours of daily character-building.  In between sprints, pushups, and blocking schemes they are directed to pull up their pants, eliminate the use of the “N word,” to support each other, and to “finish strong.”  These tough teenagers look you in the eyes, thank brand new coaches for their advice, and begin to figure out that they should have a cause bigger than themselves.

They don’t know, that despite this work ethic they are developing, that their life choices are being unfairly limited by people they have never met and by circumstances that they had no hand in creating.

This coming weekend is football camp in upstate New York.  I’m taking my 9 year-old son with with me but it still means time away from family, close living conditions with the other coaches who are not in touch with their feminine side in the same way that I am (and who also happen to be strong, engaging male figures for these boys), and time away from the marketing that is critical for my fledgling leadership coaching business.  However, there are men to build – 45 African-American, Dominican, West Indian, Puerto Rican, and Russian teens who deserve to get a little traction on the path to the people they deserve to become and who are fighting against incredible odds.  Stay tuned.

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Ingratitude and Leadership

ingratitude
This is point #2 of my post about Nonprofit Leadership. It has to do with ingratitude and its mainly male practitioners.

Men Without Chests (see C.S. Lewis)
In the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna is told “you are not entitled to the fruits of your labor, only to your labor.” This is something that has become something of a mantra for me in my professional life. With regard to men, I first thought the ingratitude thing was jealousy over comparative testosterone/intelligence combinations. After all, how do you explain the guys I brought in – who had been unable to find employment elsewhere – who I promoted, mentored, and who then engaged in almost Biblical acts of betrayal. These were something more than mere character flaws. I know, I know – I have to take my own hit for having a defective slime meter. But how did this environment get created? Then I found out…

it may in fact be an evolutionary imperative!

Women On Top
An article in this month’s Atlantic by Hanna Rosin states that men may be obsolete in the postindustrial economy. She talks about qualities like emotional intelligence, communication skills, and focus being things that men struggle to exhibit while most women seem to be naturals. Will men fade away in terms of economic relevance?

Well, it’s not comfortable for me as a guy to embrace this but I am not going to put up much of an argument. I have worked with too many tough, smart, creative women. I would also add loyalty to the list of traits that women seem to have in contrast to the “office warriors with the beer balls” that I have come across. There are notable exceptions in places like the military but in the zero sum game of business, you may not want your “wing man” to be a man.

Gratitude and God

I’ve had some time to reflect on my agitation around the snakes that entered my world. When I think of gratitude, I think of the X Files and the tag line, “We are not alone.” For me, gratitude represents an acknowledgment of our need to help one another. It represents an awareness of the gifts God has provided us though nature. Philosophers like Immanuel Kant and David Hume understood that gratitude goes way beyond etiquette. Some observers have gone so far as to equate ingratitude with sin. When you stand on the other side of gratitude you rebel against humility, you take our gift of freedom for granted, you spit in the face of community, and you stand in league with the greed, self-centeredness, and sense of entitlement that is ruining this country.

A good start would be for the ingrates among us to slow down, and show gratitude for the good things in their own lives. Take that step and it may be possible for these people to recognize that we are, in fact, not alone – and that’s a pretty wonderful thing.

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Nonprofit Leadership – Love and Fear


Just a few notes:

I left integrity out of my list of qualities that I mention in the video -- it belongs at or near the top.

Once you get clear about your moral boundaries and the things you are willing to fight for -- DON’T SHARE THEM!. Your enemies and your putative allies/friends will attempt to use this against you to gain your position and presumed power.

You probably won’t find yourself in a debate about different moral codes or concerned about moral relativism. It will more likely be your code on one side and the absence of any code on the other. Hopefully, that will make your Rubicon clearer.

Finally -- yes, I do know what a “fill light” is and I promise to do better next time( I choose not to blame this on my 9 year-old camera man).

In the words of Emile Zola, whatever you do, “Live your life out loud!”

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Independence Is Not About Hot Dogs

independence
There is no official post today because of the holiday. I’ll be doing one tomorrow on nonprofit leadership (I think!).

Because this weekend is a ceIebration of our independence, I did want to say “thank you” to all the people who defend our freedom. In particular, THANKS to my two former students, Michael Rivera and Anthony Howell, both serving in the USMC. These two young men joined the Corps as teenagers so that they could grow and serve. Thank you also to Lt. Col. Ridenhour, currently deployed to Afghanistan. I am also proud of the fact that they allow me to call them “friend.”

I have worked with too many “men without chests” (C.S. Lewis) so it’s good to know that there are those capable and willing to do the work that liberty requires.

“We sleep safely at night because rough men stand ready to visit violence on those who would harm us.”
— Winston S. Churchill

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Job Loss To Lemonade

Check out the whole movie when you can. Pam Slim, Michael Port, Justin Lukasavige, Chris Brogan, Janet Atkinson, John Carlton, and Hans Hageman & Associates, are some great places to start if you need or want to investigate the employment side of life as a masterless Samurai -- the Ronin. There is no better time.

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Are You A Quitter?

quitting

This is a bit of a departure as I’m doing back-to-back posts. I am also violating Search Engine Optimization (SEO) best practices by keeping the post under 300 words. But this is part of the fun of this stuff. Here goes:

Kenny Rogers sang about it when he said, “You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em”, Seth Godin talked about it in his book The Dip. I now find that there are studies that say that people who are able to disengage from goals that have proven unattainable experience better health than those who persist against insurmountable obstacles(“Giving Up on Unattainable Goals: Benefits for Health?” from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin).

Personally, I’ve gotten better at figuring this out. I just hope that next time my learning curve is measured in months and not years.

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Men, Fighting Can Be Good For You.

Rodney King, the creator of the Crazy Monkey Defense system, lays out some interesting points about a significant part of the male “blueprint.”

I normally only post once or twice a week but I didn’t want to let this go by. This has been a year where I have been surrounded by dysfunctional men. The New York that I was inhabiting in my professional world seemed filled with male moral cowards. I believe this lack is due in part to a denial of the energy that normally defines us as men. For the poor, the absence manifests itself in random acts of violence and physical self-sabotage. For the more well-off, extravagance and excessive consumption fill the void.

The New York Times Sunday Magazine wrote that well-to-do men are increasingly seeking the aid of endocrinologists to provide them with the elixir of youth, including testosterone gels, creams, and pills. They might want to volunteer for a control group where they just get punched in their faces. It would be cheaper and they would learn a lot more about themselves.

Anyone else think that this is a problem?

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Survival Diary – What To Do When You Quit

How to survive when you quit your six-figure job

This new chapter is exciting for me. I will need to learn a lot in a short period of time. This isn’t about pressure but about challenge. I am going to be putting up a video diary (click on the link above) every now and then as an experiment. I hope that people who read this will take the opportunity to share their own approaches to living in this new age.

My drama with the Harbor will continue and I will provide updates. Legal and PR paths may dictate some of this content.

“The rich are not like you and me.” F. Scott Fitzgerald had it right! For my fellow servant leaders (without the benefit of a trust fund) make sure you develop your own network, stay in touch with them and print out your contact info every six months! Don’t ever think that the Masters of the Universe will let you into the club and fear for your soul if you desire entry!

When I became the subject of the story instead of the object of some people’s philanthropic fantasies – no longer a prop – I became a problem. “Huh? Who are you? Where did you come from and how dare you disturb my reverie?!” As I said, to be continued.

I once again get to discover those people who believed in my title (attorney, chief counsel, Executive Director, Head of School) rather than me. I get to begin the ironic journey of seeking my freedom through interdependence and eagerly await my new work with another harvest.

Thanks to those of you who have already shown your support and provided your advice. I promise this won’t be boring.

What do you want to be new for you in 2010?

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Courage

Combat sports should be a part of the school curriculum. Things like wrestling and boxing can build character and they do an even better job revealing it. There is a connection between moral and physical courage. I have been witness to an amazing inability on the part of some of the people in my professional world to make decisions. This is more a result of cowardice than a lack of information.

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