Reflection and Action for Leadership
From the category archives:
Here is something from the field of energy psychology. I have gained a lot of tools in the past 20 years that have helped me to help myself and others. This may look strange but give it a try. You can use it in a lot of situations. It provides an elegant solution. There are some who will remain too skeptical to even give this a try. That’s okay. I can also provide referrals to very expensive therapists who would love to establish a multi-year relationship!
Any questions? Get in touch!
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The past two weeks have found me in Baltimore conducting a leadership course on mentoring and coaching for their police department, and in the Bronx as an assistant football coach for the last game of the season.
With both groups, I have taken some chances and talked to these teenagers and men engaged in hard activities about the importance of love. I’ve gotten some interesting reactions. A couple of my football colleagues openly made fun of my assertion that love was a quality that could elevate these tough,gritty endeavors to something that was transcendent. They don’t get that you can talk about kicking all kinds of ass but it doesn’t buy you what you really need.
It seems to me that love, trust, and respect are great foundations on which to build any warrior culture. The ability to discuss these openly in the company of men would also mean that courage would also have to be a part of the group’s DNA.
I may be hallucinating but I thought I saw glimmers of interest from the sergeants and my players in further discussion on the the topic. Even if this is my hallucination, I’m going to keep trying. I’ll ignore the smirks and jokes born out of fear and insecurity.
A new definition of masculinity can embrace both notions of love and the fierceness of the warrior. Too many men live in a purgatory where neither quality is present. We all suffer because of that.
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The Threat
Transformation scares people. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the act of transformation means:
a : to change in composition or structure
b : to change the outward form or appearance of
c : to change in character or condition : convert
Virginia Satir once said that “the most basic human instinct is not toward survival, but towards the familiar.” People cling to their behaviors and beliefs. To ask a person to change in character or structure presents a threat to their psychic and spiritual survival.
Another Kind of Transformation
Another way of handling change is to transform your energy instead your essential self. Instead of moving your intention towards anger for a wrong done to you, transform the energy into improving the skills of a young person who might otherwise be lined up as the next victim.
Find the positive intention behind the behavior that is pissing you off.
Practice reframing your thoughts. When your current train of thought is not helpful in reaching a beneficial solution, ask yourself if there’s another way to think about it.
Transformation might be dangerous but there are ways of making it work for you.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, or the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.” – Charles Darwin
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Maybe We Need A Break
In some instances, people have become so disengaged that we’ve allowed education and economics to get combined for convenience. Hedge fund managers and investment bankers have taken the lead in education “reform.” They got bored with all their hard work in making our economy more efficient. They know how to close the achievement gap – create institutions that control the “stranger”, the “other.” Institutions they wouldn’t be caught dead sending their own children to.
The production of high fructose corn syrup gets subsidized and the poor population becomes fatter and unhealthier. We worship food pyramids that have been built to the gods of greed (In future posts I’ll be providing my own food porn antidote to this control measure).
Letting the experts run things have created an obesity epidemic in information, entertainment and food. They are our enemies.
We’re suffering from learned helplessness with no cure in sight. We need a diet and we need more simplicity.
I am a ronin. I am joined by people like Ken (check out his blog), Dino (make sure you follow this), Ian, Bernadette, and Yaro. We all pursue our positive deviant status in different ways. I quit a lie of a job; I workout and eat Paleo; I am a member of the NRA; I look for every opportunity to engage in rants against the enemies of cognitive diversity; I am unapologetic in my faith, and I help people who seek their path in spite of the fear. I do what I can. What are some of the things you are doing?
Anyone else want to join the tribe?
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What Impact Will You Have?
Impact
This is a continuation of the series of posts on “Well-Formed Outcomes.” It’s important to consider the impact that the accomplishment of a major goal may have on you and the people around you. We’ve all been warned: “Be careful what you wish for!”
Here We Go Again With The Questions!
Much of the value of coaching comes from its emphasis on the use of questions to improve a person’s thinking. Goal attainment and winning are stressed so highly in this culture that we often don’t pay enough attention to the collateral damage that can occur. Our thinking becomes too narrowly focused. The right questions open up the environment around us and help us to be clear about what we think we want.
1.Gain
The first question asks: “What will I gain when I achieve this?” This presupposes that we have already taken the incredibly important step of getting clear about our values. When I left my last job, I knew that along with freedom came uncertainty. The opportunity may be incredible but are the gains enough to offset possible losses? Sometimes, it may not be obvious that there is a tradeoff when you take an action but King Midas also found out that everything has a cost.
2.Loss
You’ve made the decision to go back to school to improve your long term economic prospects. Will the loss of your current job be worth it? Will the time away from your children be ok?
3.Got It!
What will happen when you achieve your outcome? When I left my law career to found a school for under-servd children, I thought people would respect my decision or even find the cause admirable. What I hadn’t accounted for was the loss of many of my “friends.” This was more than offset by the positive changes I was able to make in a lot of young people’s lives.
4.What Won’t Happen When I Have This Outcome?
You’ve been successful saving for the car of your dreams. That now means you’ll have to wait longer for that down payment on the condo. It will also mean that you no longer have to rely on friends for rides to work and the supermarket.
5.What Will Happen If I Don’t Get It?
You weren’t able to make the career switch. The morning stomach pains will continue as you head back to the same ‘ol grind. It might also mean that you are able to stay in the city you love instead of having to relocate.
6.What Won’t Happen If I Don’t Get The Outcome?
The job didn’t come through. The kids don’t have to leave their friends behind because they aren’t moving after all. Your husband can stay in his job and you won’t have to stop volunteering at the youth boxing gym.
Write down the six questions. Chart out the good and the bad of achieving and not achieving the outcome. It may appear tedious but it could also save you a lot of headaches later. We can’t get our time back so spend it wisely, put in a little time, and improve your outcome thinking with the right questions.
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What Are Your Resources?
Resources
We’re going to deal with the fifth spoke in the wheel of goal setting (or Well-Formed Outcomes). That spoke is “resources.” These resources can be internal or external. They can be mental, physical, or material. What skills or states of mind are needed to achieve your outcome? When I began my girls’ school in India, planned for an expedition in the Arctic Circle, and decided to start my current coaching and training business I needed to do an inventory of my assets and figure out what I needed to do to acquire the missing pieces. Some of these missing pieces had to do with money, some with physical fitness, some with contacts, and some with background knowledge. I needed both internal and external parts to complete the different pictures.
Acting As If
In each of these situations, the inventory showed I was lacking in certain areas. I’ve never been one to let the perfect be the enemy of the good, so I had to act “as if” I already had these missing resources or would be able to get them in a reasonable time frame. The ability to visualize was important in imagining that a particular “mini-outcome” had already been achieved. Positive past experiences were helpful in accessing the necessary internal resources.
If you have trouble acting “as if” you may have some limiting beliefs that need to be addressed. The skills that I talked about in an earlier post, will definitely come in handy here.
Mind and Body
We have to make sure that our mental and physical resources are aligned. The mind-body separation that exists in much of American society causes us to under- or over-estimate our ability to get something done. Our physiology can determine our emotions and vice versa. We have the ability to change our physiology and to choose our emotions. I will talk about how to do this in future posts.
If you don’t have the requisite time, knowledge, skills, health, or state of mind to achieve the ultimate outcome, then you might have to start off with some smaller goals to fill these gaps.
OPM
Sometimes we also need “Other People’s Money,” equipment, information, contacts, or emotional support. This is where the ability to develop and maintain a network pays dividends. Honestly evaluating our available and needed resources will be the difference between “magical thinking” and a clear-eyed path to progress on our outcomes.
How have you dealt with a lack of resources?
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