Help Them Out Of Their Corner
Bullying
Bullying has captured the national attention. Some tragic incidents have caused a reexamination of how parents and schools can keep kids safe. The use of the Internet and social media sites have made it easier to attack victims and complicated the search for a solution.
Sources
Bullies are not a new phenomenon. Bullies are sometimes created out of their own fear and insecurity. Some are predators. Lt. Col. Dave Grossman talks about the world being divided into lambs, wolves, and sheepdogs. Most people are sheep. They are kind, gentle, and productive. Then there are the wolves who prey on the sheep without mercy. Sheepdogs live to protect the flock and to confront the wolf. If you have no capacity for violence, you are a sheep. If you have the capacity for violence in pursuit of your ends and engage in it with no remorse, you are a wolf. If you have the capacity for violence and combine it with a deep love for your fellow human beings, you are a sheepdog. While I think there are more gradations, I believe this is a helpful outline when examining the problem of bullying.
The Real Enemy
The normal prescription for victims is to get teachers and parents involved. it is important to bring the physical and emotional violence to light but this is usually not enough when a predator is involved or when the group mind has taken over. In talking about the human mind, Primo Levi said that: “Many people – many nations – can find themselves holding, more or less wittingly, that ‘every stranger is an enemy.’”
The stranger, the enemy is kind of complicated in the case of bullies. I believe that many bullies are created as a result of their estrangement from their essential natures. This is coupled with an estrangement from Nature. This mirrors a pervasive national numbness of spirit and somatic deadening.
My Theory
I also believe that we are sacred, individual creations of God. We descend into purgatory or worse when we lose contact with this sacred essence. Those who live in this wilderness of the spirit hate those who maintain its essence. For bullies, the keepers of the sacred flame are the “strangers” and the “enemies” that Levi talks about. They are a mirror and reminder of what was lost. Our current existence does not provide them with guides on how to regain what was lost. The bullies among us default to anger and hatred. In a paraphrase of a quote on power, Rosabeth Moss Kanter pointed out that “absolute powerlessness corrupts absolutely.”
I like to think that I have the soul of poet. With this disposition, I was fortunate to go to a school where open bullying was frowned on. I have been in other situations where my “sensitive side” could have been a liability, except for one thing – early on, I learned that there were times you had to kick someone’s ass and be prepared to have your own kicked, in defense of protecting your spiritual core. I was raised to be a “sheepdog.” I was taught to protect myself and others.
Solutions
Communities and cultures need to be developed where bullies are not tolerated but the problem cannot be legislated away. Theodore Roosevelt said that his father taught him to be tough as well as kind. His father believed that if Teddy was tough enough, people would not long laugh at his being kind. Victims need to be given tools. This needs to start with what Timothy Gallwey called “The Inner Game.” The tools of sports psychology and things like Neurolinguistic Programming could help with building mental toughness – confidence, resilience, positive self-talk, relaxation, motivation, and creating well-formed outcomes. This would be combined with physical skills that would help the poets among us explore the intersections between physical and moral courage. Even Gandhi understood that violence could sometimes be morally required. Learning basic skills of self defense – based in boxing and some form of grappling – would provide confidence and a sense of agency while the adults figure things out.
At the same time, the bullies who have not achieved predator status need to have chances to rediscover their sacred purpose. They need to be coached and guided to appreciate the miracle of nature and to recognize the sources of their actions. This is not possible with the current factory model of schooling. Decisions will have to be made.
My children have inherited my poet’s soul. My job is now to teach them how to protect that soul and the gifts that God has given them. My prayer is that they will add the job of “sheepdog” to their resumes.
