belief

Unplugging
The past year has made for a wild ride.  I disconnected from the Matrix when I quit my job in December 2009.  This was a move away from a culture of deception and mediocrity.  It was also a move into a scary future that I hoped would allow me to live my values more fully while being of some service to a wider world.

As many people who have made this leap know, figuring out things like how to put food on the table, pay a mortgage, children’s tuition, health insurance (or not) – can take away from your entrepreneurial energy as well as put a strain on a marriage.

I’ve lost “friends” who, it seems, only defined me by my professional position and the social status that it temporarily conveyed. Stepping out of a lie allows you to breathe but those first breaths can be painful.

New Friends and Old Friends
I have been fortunate to have gone through several periods of “awakening” and this run at freedom is one of those times. I have been able to affirm the value of some people who have been close to me and learn from the fear and weakness of others who maybe once were. I’ve had a self-taught Masters-level education in online media and marketing, discovered inspiration in the blogosphere and rediscovered it in person. The education my children are receiving as Mommy and Daddy work from home has also been priceless. This run we’re making has as much to do with their future freedom as it does with their parents’ declaration of independence.

Social Media Muses
Some of the muses from the blogosphere who have kept me going are (in no particular order):

• Danielle Laporte of White Hot Truth; she is irreverent and motivational.  She provides an excellent model of how social media can be used to promote freedom, creativity and caring;
• Chris Brogan - he’s one of the gurus of social media and incites a lot of passion – most of it positive.  What I know is that his book “Trust Agents” was my first guide to this world and that this guy with thousands of followers took the time to answer my introductory “tweet.”
• Johnny B. Truant, one of the cool guys in the space.  He got my Boomer Ronin site up while answering my newbie concerns in an incredibly responsive, patient, and educational manner.  He also introduced us to a wonderful guy who redesigned the site for our girls school in India;
• Dave Navarro ,who puts out some of the best products I have found for people who are trying to figure out how to do business on the internet;
• Justin Lukasavige, whose podcast I listen to religiously.  He talks about coaching and does it with unabashed  enthusiasm.
• John Carlton – this guy is one of the giants in sales copywriting.  I have a couple of his products and I’m saving up to attend one of his live events.  If I have the discipline to follow his materials, I’ll be a lot better off a lot faster.  I will also follow his advice to teach my children the copywriting skills that will put them in a better position than some of the learnings they will receive in the “academy”;
• Lev Natan of The Empowerment Connection; we’ve only connected online but I really like what I see on his site and I look forward to a possible collaboration in 2011.

Offline Inspiration
Now for the people I interact with offline:

• Karen Best – My Princeton classmate and co-manger (and who carried me for 4 yrs.!) during my student job at Princeton; a courageous parent and entrepreneur;
• Ian Cameron – friends since we were 18.  Me from Harlem, him from Mt. Desert Island in Maine.  He’s a fly-fishing guide who does that Frank Sinatra  ”My Way” thing better than anyone I know;
• Carl Kissin – a classmate from Collegiate who I’ve recently reconnected with during his production of “Date of a Lifetime.”  You saw it coming more than three decades ago – he really is a comedy genius;
• Adam Walinsky – among other things, he worked with Bobby Kennedy and has done more than anyone in modern times to get police to do their work in a better way.  He is a major inspiration for me as I tilt at windmills.  I’m honored that he has brought me in to play some small role in re-creating the Baltimore Police Department under its visionary Commissioner;

Tony (“Dino”) – I knew him as a little boy and he’s grown into an incredible man. He’s a protector of society. For more than two decades he has been one of those who stands between us and the wolves. As if that were not enough, he has been forced to “speak truth to power” in another bureaucracy that eats its best;

• Yaromil Olivares -go read her excellent post today at Boomer Ronin. She too decided that being surrounded by  dishonesty, fecklessness, and lassitude was too high a price to pay for an impressive title and paycheck.  Her courage is only matched by her sense of purpose and her creativity.  We’re going to do great things together in our business. She is also a Creativity Coach who you should check out for your individual growth;
• Bernadette Hageman -my wife – the person who shapes my craziness into something productive.  She runs the house, takes care of our disparate band of children, runs the foundation that supports dozens of girls in India in their education and and their lives, handles the administrative duties for my growing “empire,” renovates the space for our new personal training facility, provides more value to my sister as her friend than I do to my sister as a brother, finds time to provide motherly advice to a number of “Millenials” and she still finds the time to love me even though she didn’t exactly sign on for this current tour of duty.

So, “Thank You” to my new social media friends and much love to all the people above and others, who let me know that this tribe is possible and necessary.

For people new to this blog and for those returning who haven’t already done so, subscribe using the blue and white form down and to the right or with the cool “Pop-up.” We’re pretty smart, we care, and we always like making new friends.

Kind of a Preamble
Like it does for many people, the end of the year serves as my helper in organizing  my thoughts and providing me with feedback.  I would not have traded this last year for anything.  My wife and I have had to make tough decisions on this road to self employment.  I have at times felt irresponsible in giving up a well-paying job and benefits to live in accord with my values.  We have had to put a lot of things on hold for ourselves and our children because of our changed economic circumstances.  

Our current life represents more than a desire to wave our “freak flags.”  We know from conversations on this blog and from trainings and workshops we conduct, that there are a whole lot of people with an unrequited entrepreneurial spirit; creative people forced to smother their gifts because of economic exigencies; people in pain whose suffering seems endless – we believe that we have a lot to offer these people.  We also know that an inheritance of “guts” to step out and live like Ronin in furtherance of service, creativity, and decency will be more important to our children than any estate they might be tempted to squander after we’re gone.

Tim Berry may be right – at this point we may be unemployable.  So Bernadette, Yaromil (our partner in crime), and I will take deep breaths and keep aggressively moving forward into 2011.  Recent past and future posts are part of a toolbox that have helped me and I hope will help others anytime the “fear monster” sticks its head around the corner. Pogo and FDR were right. So, with that in mind…

Separation
Too many of us let the Mind move aimlessly.  Every thought of fear, or of selfishness – however they may be dressed up – separates us from our consciousness of God, the absolute Truth. With each separation we are weakened, for God is the one Source of life and strength. But every true concept, every thought of love, draws us nearer to God by bringing love and truth into consciousness and thus strengthens and fortifies us. Check out “The Three Principles” by Sydney Banks for more on the connection between Mind, Thought, and Consciousness. True personal development should result in more connection rather than a feeling of being special, evolved, or enlightened.

In an earlier post I wrote about relationships. This post is about getting getting in closer relationship with ourselves.  What we are seeking here is the increased practice of right-thinking in all areas of life so that normal reactions in the mind and body will be encouraged and unfavorable reactions inhibited.

Body and Mind
Unlike other animals, our nervous system is under the supervision of a thinking brain. Whether this is a benefit or a disadvantage is determined by the quality of our thoughts. A temporary mood such as anger or fear produces a temporary physical change caused by the stress of a particular. If these become our habitual states, the physiological changes become permanent and they are negative. The body has no life apart from the mind and our internal state will become outwardly manifest.
Just like a piano wire that becomes distorted by a constantly hammered note, our nerves become distorted and worn out by the constant hammering of fear and anxiety. We can see this in individuals and we can see this in societies where the majority of people are living in a mix of despair and constant media stimulation. Instead of relaxation and emotional state management most of us in this country are raised on cycles of over-stimulation and a resulting depression.

Wake Up and See The Enemy
The chief enemy of the nervous system is misdirected, uncontrolled thought. No matter what the usefulness of a particular mental state , it is followed by physiological reactions of some sort. This can start out as relatively inconspicuous changes in breathing, circulation, and general muscular tension. Check yourself out now – are you holding your breath? Are the muscles in your neck and upper back, loose or relaxed? Too many of us carry this residual tension around. Our bodies reflect our thoughts and the cycle gets continued through the continued communication we have with ourselves as the result of the physical tension.  We develop a harmful feedback loop.  What we want is a “feed-forward” system that creates the environment for growth.

An Experiment
As a brief experiment, come up with a memory or thought that has slightly sad emotional content. Hunch your shoulders, lower your gaze, and make your breathing shallower. The feeling of sadness will get stronger. Now, stand up, shake your body out and bring up a neutral thought (pink elephants are usually safe) to break that sad emotional state. Bring the thought back but this time direct your gaze towards the ceiling, breathe deeply from the diaphragm, and bring a smile to your face. It will be impossible to get that sad feeling back. Your mind and your body will reproduce whatever cycle you train it to reproduce.

Learn to act “as if” you have whatever resourceful qualities are required by the particular context.  This is a first step to developing a strong self concept.  Align this self concept with your values and your on your way to health and growth.

I would love to hear about anyone else who’s jumped ship in this economy to follow their moral or creative muse.

Attitude Is Everything
How do you have a successful relationship? Love, forbearance, kindness – these are the things that you will need to move you beyond the everyday madness.

Playing Well With Others
My recent experience with people I helped, trusted, and got screwed by, have made me a bit of a recluse. I’m prepared to jump back into the pool but I intend to be even more scrupulous than Diogenes. I do this not out of regard for my feelings but out of concern for the work that is left for me to do. Some of what follows is “do as I say” but the past year has provided me with the closest I have gotten to a “mountaintop experience.” I choose to believe that this has also provide me with some wisdom but you be the judge.

If we can’t get along with some people, we should find a way to leave them alone. What others do is their concern.  If they fail to maintain this harmony then they will receive the results of their mistakes.  We should keep in mind, though, that if we are able to maintain the integrity of our own minds and hearts (something that I have not always been successful doing), then we set an example and model for others to follow because love and goodness are contagious. 

It’s Not What Happens To You…
It’s how you feel/think about what happens to you.

The quality of thought we send out to people is usually returned to us in the same way – whether these thoughts are positive or negative. What others do is their concern.  If they fail to maintain this harmony then they will receive the results of their mistakes.   No matter what the object of our attention, our attitude towards it reacts back upon us. 

God and Nature
Make a friend of Nature, be a friend of humanity, be a friend of God.  When you assume this normal attitude toward all things you are moving with the current.  When you desire to make friends with all of Nature, humanity, and God, you will discover that any feelings of fear will begin to dissolve. Aim to always preserve your mental state by remaining in harmony with this inner model of love, wisdom, and strength.  Let all your concepts be in line with it, and when you come upon something that feels alien to it, exclude it from your consciousness.  Put a guard at the door of the mind and examine every thought that tries to gain entry.  Decide if it is in accord with the good government of the mind, or antagonistic to it, in which case, slam the door in its face.  If this vigorous inspection is done regularly, there will come a time when these thoughts no longer seek to enter.  On the other hand, the more often you let them in, the more trouble they will make and they more difficult they will be to remove. It’s your choice. Take responsibility.

Energy Flow
It is the persistent habits of thought which mold the brain. Consciousness is a flowing stream. The mind constantly generates thought-energy. Much of the energy goes to waste. Much is misdirected and causes harm. It is only common sense to harness and direct this thought-energy. This is the first step in self-help. Your mind is your own; you are liberating this energy and yet you have been wasting and misdirecting it for years to your own harm. Now you must take control and make this energy serve your purpose.

The Machine and Moral Imagination
Gravity, electricity, and nuclear energy were all unharnessed at one point. Once we had discovered certain fundamental laws of motion, mechanics, electromagnetism, and an understanding of the elements, we were able to put these forces in our service.
Just as a machine must be planned in accord and with reference to the laws of motion and mechanics if it is going to be able to use the energy supplied to it, so must we plan and control our thought-energy with reference to fundamental laws of Thought if we are to use that energy to advantage. If a machine is not properly constructed or placed, not only will it not do its work, but it will eventually damage its own internal structure. This is the same thing that happens with a wrongly directed mind – it won’t work the way we need it to and this will have an effect on our nervous system. There is a normal way of thinking and a normal way of responding to the things that present themselves in our environment. Some of these things we remain ignorant of and some things are well known to us. In our day-to-day relations, we have a fairly good idea of how to conduct ourselves and we generally (except in war and certain business situations) follow the blueprint. For the most part, we act like the social creatures we are. This way of being is so seemingly natural for us that we miss sight of how subtly we balance these relations. Our thoughts of people count for or against our peace of mind as well. We may fool other people , but we are not as good at fooling ourselves and we never deceive our brains. We can pretend all we like but throughout, our real motives are molding our brains and establishing neural pathways that are quite at odds with our pretensions. The “normal” attitude to our fellow humans should be one of love, kindness, and forbearance – forbearance, because if we understood the conditions that have made them what they are, we would no longer be so inclined to judge.

Conduct Your Own Symphony
This is a call for us to take control of our own music. Personal development is no longer a luxury for New Age seekers – it is now a survival skill.

Our minds are constantly active and generate a certain level of energy. Left to its own devices, the uncontrolled and misdirected mind can cause harm – as any other force that is ignorantly handled. We owe it to ourselves and the communities we inhabit to wisely and systematically direct the power of our thoughts – both conscious and subconscious. Mind building and character development are the tasks before us in a time when most everything else is being taken from our control.

Begin With The Senses
We perceive the world through our senses. Our senses have become increasingly dulled by our remove from nature and our surrender to technology and the “experts” who dictate everything from our education to the foods we are allowed to eat. Our perception becomes skewed when the quality and fitness of our minds is compromised in the areas of spirituality, ethics, and metaphysics. Working from spiritual, ethical, and metaphysical ideals would mean that we would no longer operate solely from expediency. As I mentioned in an earlier post, we need to implement ways to leave the trance many of us are under. With our new clarity, our actions would be driven by a love of righteousness and a love of truth.

Old Truths
What I lay out here is not entirely novel. In many ways it is a restatement of old truths. Although such a change in direction might seem to tread in the areas of religion and theology, it is possible to avoid valuing competing orthodoxies. It is built on a foundation of universal truths – much as any system of philosophy or any religion. The late family therapist, Virginia Satir, said that the strongest human drive is to retain the familiar. Our “new normal” is not sustainable. Take what is useful and believe that it is possible to advance your understanding regardless of what you have learned to this point in your life.

Don’t forget to join us at our workshop on December 15th. We’ll go into more depth in these areas. I guarantee that it will be your best gift of the year.