Is This Really All There Is?

Reflection and Action for Leadership

High School Football and Men

high school football

My adventure now includes a role as a volunteer high school football coach.  In fact, my posts haven’t been as regular as I’d like because of the “two-a-days” being conducted at the high school’s field in the Bronx.  This post is not going to be profound.  In writing it I get to be a little wistful, a little amazed, and a lot frustrated by the experience.

Each time I show up to the school, I enter into an unapologetic man’s world.  It’s one of sweat, profanity, chewing tobacco, childish humor, and talk of the glory days long past.  My own football glory days were limited as my high school had only enough personnel to field a team for two of my high school years.  With the recent revelations about the brain injuries that football can cause, I now believe that my truncated career was a blessing.  But I now get to engage in mature reflections about the game and at the same time improve my cognitive function by learning its intricacies.

I’m working as the strength coach and assistant running back coach at one of the largest high schools in New York City.  Their four-year graduation rate is under 30%.  Despite the challenges, a group of 45 young men show up in the summer for ten hours of daily character-building.  In between sprints, pushups, and blocking schemes they are directed to pull up their pants, eliminate the use of the “N word,” to support each other, and to “finish strong.”  These tough teenagers look you in the eyes, thank brand new coaches for their advice, and begin to figure out that they should have a cause bigger than themselves.

They don’t know, that despite this work ethic they are developing, that their life choices are being unfairly limited by people they have never met and by circumstances that they had no hand in creating.

This coming weekend is football camp in upstate New York.  I’m taking my 9 year-old son with with me but it still means time away from family, close living conditions with the other coaches who are not in touch with their feminine side in the same way that I am (and who also happen to be strong, engaging male figures for these boys), and time away from the marketing that is critical for my fledgling leadership coaching business.  However, there are men to build – 45 African-American, Dominican, West Indian, Puerto Rican, and Russian teens who deserve to get a little traction on the path to the people they deserve to become and who are fighting against incredible odds.  Stay tuned.

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Self Employed and Parenting

Gideon Shalwick’s video blog inspired me to do something other than text on this one.  The Shalwick recommendation to do it outdoors took care of my normal problems with lighting and I think I got a lot closer to “The Rule of Thirds” on this one.

If you are self employed you have to worry about a number of things.  Take my advice and don’t make it harder on yourself by starting your marketing in the summer -- like we did.  If you have children and a supportive spouse, it doesn’t matter when you start -- there can be tremendous benefits to running your own show from the parenting end.

Too many parents scramble to find “quality” time with their children.  Being self employed and working from home allows you to be engaged with your children. You’re not forcing things or programming your children to exhaustion out of guilt.  I got my first taste of this engagement growing up in the drug treatment center started and run by my parents.  We got to experience the fear AND the celebration.  We watched our parents handle setbacks and “absorb uncertainty” (Vittorio Cossoni).

Now, as then, there’s the sense that we aren’t living a “normal” existence.  What’s more important is that my wife and I  feel we are living a natural existence.  Our children will hopefully learn the pull of inspiration to go along with the push of motivation.  They will know the intersection and the difference between who we are and what we do.

Yeah, certain ducks could have been lined up better but no regrets here.

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Value – What’s Yours?

cereal value

This post is short and (hopefully) sweet –  á la Seth Godin. I’ve talked about “values” in the past.  This one is about VALUE.  Perhaps it’s the ravages of middle age but I am losing my interest in potential.  Talk to me about what value you bring NOW.  In fact, someone may not have the entry level skills for a retail job, much less the ability to survive TEOTWAWKI (go ahead, look it up!).  If you have the desire to be of value to your community, then you are the kind of person I want to be around.

When someone wants to be of value, they are seekers – they have to be curious.  Integrity is more important to them than having the opportunity to show their cleverness.  They work to be a  part of the community. All I know is that when I’m done, and to paraphrase Albert Einstein, I would “rather be a man of value than a man of success.”

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Team Building – Roll Your Own

A-Team

This post provides elaboration for two more points from an earlier piece for new nonprofit leaders.

4. Develop your network before the big job so that you can bring in your own team.
5. Get a guarantee that you can
bring in your own team.

The Honeymoon

When you begin your new nonprofit job, you will almost definitely enjoy a “honeymoon period” with the existing staff.  These are the same people you met when you were interviewing.  If they knew you are a finalist for the job they almost certainly put on their most charming faces at that time.  Now, many will be prepared to put their heads down and continue to do their jobs.  Others will try to figure out the best way to curry favor with the new Boss.  The trick for you will be to determine who is who.  If these people were in leadership positions with the old regime, this calculation becomes critical to your survival.

Your Team

The safest method of leadership team building in this situation is to bring in your own people.  I should point out that there is one exception to this.  If there is someone in the organization who seems to be a natural enemy  - for instance, someone who had been an internal candidate for the job that is now yours – if you retain them and promote they can become one of your most valuable allies.  People you might regard as friends can too often become jealous of your success.  They are also in a better position to hurt you because of inside information from the friendship.

Bring in people who can fill in the gaps in your skill set.  Make sure you bring in someone who can complement your role in a “Good Cop, Bad Cop” routine.  Make sure as you move through your career that you have the kind of network that you can call on to create your team.  This means you should always look for opportunities to mentor others.  Do favors for people whenever possible. Develop a reputation as a “connector.” Evaluate people during periods of pressure and in settings that require teamwork.   How do they handle their alcohol? In Vino Veritas!

Care and Feeding

When you have the personnel, provide timely feedback, give the group opportunities to act together as a team.  No matter how often you get stabbed in the back, continue to believe in the Law of Reciprocity.  Help your people realize their dreams.  Understand their values.

If you run into someone on a Habitat for Humanity project, who’s been competing in judo and rugby since they were kids, and who can handle their own at the karaoke bar you two have been to a couple of times, you may be looking at your future COO.

Be nice until it’s time to not be nice (Road House), stay humble, don’t let anyone get too close, do a regular values audit, push hard for the right thing, and never become too attached to the results.

Have you built a leadership team or inherited one?  How did it go?

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Founders Club – Better A Member Than An Employee

founding fatherThis is point #3 in Nonprofit Leadership.

I am a member of the Founders Club.  I’ve started three schools and I’m proud of the changes I was able to make in people’s lives.  In two instances I made the decision to leave rather than gain Pyrrhic victories in a battle of egos.  I’m not sure I would have wanted to work for me.  I was so mission-focused that the touchy-feely stuff  some adults seemed to need from me just wasn’t there.  That was me.  There are a host of reasons you should run screaming from a job offer to replace any founder who intends to remain active in the organization they started.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Every institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.”  That can become a good thing or a bad thing.  I have experienced both with founders I have encountered.  One thing I do know is that I will never work for/with another founder and I would not recommend it for anyone who is looking to make a difference in their nonprofit work.  If you are bold enough to venture forth anyway, get a contract and factor in some sort of additional compensation into your contract for the pain you will inevitably experience.

The qualities that were responsible for launching the founder’s vision can often end up being the same qualities for which the founder eventually becomes despised.  A pioneering spirit turns into ego-centrism and dictatorial decision-making.  The board of directors is often ineffective in this kind of a setting.  When new board members, not under the thrall of the founder, try to make changes, the scene is set for a terminal battle.  The only hope at this point is probably an organizational coach with the skills of King Solomon.

If you end up working for one of these people, know that a lot of your time will involve as much ego-stroking as client work.

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Schools Need A New Idea – Start All Over Again!

test answer
The recent New York Times story about a remarkable drop in  test scores (after being recalibrated by New York State), should give us immediate pause and force a reassessment of claims about what really works in public education.  Many people are  scrambling to explain away what happened.  Some are even complaining that “the goalposts were moved.”   Some of the shining lights of the charter school movement are at a loss and can only say: “we just have to try harder.”  Try harder at what?!  Teaching to the test?  Teaching even more skills to improve performance on standardized tests?  I would like to suggest the crazy notion that the ladder is against the wrong wall.  Unfortunately, for too many people, this will have a short news cycle and it will become business as usual.

Abdication of Responsibility

I’ve said it before:  the game is rigged.  The idea of a meritocracy in education is laughable.  We’ve seen during our recent series of financial woes that qualities like integrity, hard work and sound morals have no significant correlation to economic success at the very top.  IQ cannot be proven to directly influence economic outcomes.

The merit myth also applies to education.  One thing that may be “post -racial” about this country is the extent to which the lives of poor, working, and middle class – Black or White – are all dictated by the needs of an oligarchy determined to maintain its power and privilege.   This plays out starkly in the field of education.  I have too much experience with elite private schools to believe that it’s about hard work, good character, and intelligence. I’ve been in too many meetings with wealthy supporters of charter schools to believe that they would subject their own children to the same education model they believe in so strongly for poor children.

Taking It Back

Education is a gatekeeper but not the type that anyone interested in fairness or American ideals should allow.  Educational attainment is primarily a reflection of family income.  This has to change if this country is too have a significant, viable  future.  Here are a few things that those of us interested in fairness and the future of the Republic should do:

  • Read anything by John Taylor Gatto.
  • Do your own research on best practices in literacy.
  • Learn more about the history of education models like Montessori and Reggio Emilia
  • Skip the vacation to the Hamptons and attend an event sponsored by the Appleseed Project.
  • Attend a meetup of the local homeschooling association.
  • Join a charter school board.
  • Help kids get involved in Junior Achievement, Civil Air Patrol, and 4-H Clubs.
  • Teach your children to play and win the “Inner Game.”
  • Don’t blindly accept “expert” definitions of “measurable success.”
  • Teach your children that competition doesn’t always have to be a zero sum game – it can also be about cooperation where you and your opponent bring out the best in each other.
  • Learn the difference between end goals (which we don’t have total control over) and process goals (which we can control).

Knowing the truth about inheritance, family income, and luck should give those at the top some pause, greater humility, and a desire to do better by those less fortunate.  In the meantime, we have to get tougher, smarter, and more strategic about doing it for ourselves.

Do you have any models of schools that work for everyone?

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The Way To Happiness Is Simple (Not Easy)

happy face

Happiness is our natural condition. All you have to do is look at a healthy infant to notice that their default state is one of unfiltered joy. As we grow older, we learn to add to our list of needs. Our wants and needs become confused. Eventually, as Ralph Waldo Emerson pointed out, “Things are in the saddle and ride mankind.”

Our attention has become fractured. We are losing our ability to intuit. We seek increasing stimulation from external sources. When the stimulation is no longer present, when we feel we are not able to meet our “needs,” we pick up the pace or become despondent.

We have to create opportunities for silence – periods of meditation where God speaks to us. This will aid us in understanding our points of individuality and our points of connection. Before we can value our differences, we must accept the things that we have in common. This begins when we seek the answer to the question: “Who am I and why I am here?” I believe that an honest effort to answer that question will prevent the moral nihilism that too many people organize their lives around.

We have the tools for happiness. They can only be accessed when we strip away the extra. They are only effective when we are honest about all the parts that make us who we are. Only then can we discover and work with our real strengths. The world has need of our gifts. They can only be given when we engage in addition by subtraction.

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How Does It End?

light in the tunnel
You’ve put in a few decades doing whatever it is you do. How does it end? I was prompted to think about this after a longtime friend came by for dinner. We’ve known each other for close to 35 years. We talked about the paths we’ve been on and the paths we see ourselves taking in the near future. We also reminisced about people we know in common.

Retirement
Our dinner guest is pushing hard. She’s one of the women I talked about in my last post who’s always shown me qualities that were missing in many of my male professional counterparts. She got her Ivy League degree but knew that nothing was promised. She’s hasn’t had it easy but she’s embraced “free agency” and works to improve the lives of those around her.

I was taken aback to hear that friends we went to school with are getting ready to head for retirement and quieter climes in the next year. I was shocked to hear recently that the nephew of a friend had put in his twenty years and was retiring in a year or two and was opening a restaurant/bar.
Maybe what happened to me is…

What’s Next
that I share the view of people like Peter Ragnar who believe that a lot of the aging process is mental. I’ve also taken positions that haven’t provided decent retirement benefits as one of their perks – so temptation is less. My ADD also does not lend itself to a hammock. I am also from the Helen Keller school of thought that says ” security does not exist in Nature. Life is either a daring adventure or it’s nothing.” This is part of the manifesto shared by me and my fellow Ronin.

God does not promise security in this life. The author Philip Yancey points out that we don’t get to know God and then do his will – we get to know God by doing his will. Like my parents, I choose to “wear out rather than rust out.” It took me a while, but I realize that my wife’s complaints about our path are mainly pro forma. In many ways she pushes harder than I do. She does this in the face of the paradoxes that come with being a good Christian. The more you do, the more is demanded and gratitude be damned.

The reasons for staying on or stepping off may be the result of evolution, genetics, or something else. Some of us are built a different way. Some deal with the difficulty of the now – they live how they believe Christ lived, and they accept that God will determine the value of all these efforts at some point in the distant future. You are not alone. I respect and admire those who have decided that their race has been run. But there are those of us who are not content with where we are and what we’ve done and we will keep moving. The Talmud, the Bhagavad Gita, and the Bible all recognize that we cannot possibly finish the work set before us – but we will not be excused for not taking it up.

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The Power of Belief

friendly universe
“Cogito ergo sum” – I think, therefore I am. I have been hoping that there is a related principle that applies to the art of writing. Something like, “I write, therefore I am a writer.” Even if it is not true, I will continue to act as if it is. I combine this with Emerson’s advice on writing that “when you run out of arrows, throw your body at it.”

Today I’m throwing my body at a short post on the Universe.

Albert Einstein felt that the fundamental question facing all of us is: “Is the Universe a friendly place?” We each get the chance to answer this for ourselves. What if you decided just for today that it was? Would you be a rebel in this Universe? Would your belief about your capabilities or responsibilities change?

What kind of Universe do you currently live in? If we take better control of our beliefs and imagination, we can make sure the trance we’re in is one of our own making.

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Ingratitude and Leadership

ingratitude
This is point #2 of my post about Nonprofit Leadership. It has to do with ingratitude and its mainly male practitioners.

Men Without Chests (see C.S. Lewis)
In the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna is told “you are not entitled to the fruits of your labor, only to your labor.” This is something that has become something of a mantra for me in my professional life. With regard to men, I first thought the ingratitude thing was jealousy over comparative testosterone/intelligence combinations. After all, how do you explain the guys I brought in – who had been unable to find employment elsewhere – who I promoted, mentored, and who then engaged in almost Biblical acts of betrayal. These were something more than mere character flaws. I know, I know – I have to take my own hit for having a defective slime meter. But how did this environment get created? Then I found out…

it may in fact be an evolutionary imperative!

Women On Top
An article in this month’s Atlantic by Hanna Rosin states that men may be obsolete in the postindustrial economy. She talks about qualities like emotional intelligence, communication skills, and focus being things that men struggle to exhibit while most women seem to be naturals. Will men fade away in terms of economic relevance?

Well, it’s not comfortable for me as a guy to embrace this but I am not going to put up much of an argument. I have worked with too many tough, smart, creative women. I would also add loyalty to the list of traits that women seem to have in contrast to the “office warriors with the beer balls” that I have come across. There are notable exceptions in places like the military but in the zero sum game of business, you may not want your “wing man” to be a man.

Gratitude and God

I’ve had some time to reflect on my agitation around the snakes that entered my world. When I think of gratitude, I think of the X Files and the tag line, “We are not alone.” For me, gratitude represents an acknowledgment of our need to help one another. It represents an awareness of the gifts God has provided us though nature. Philosophers like Immanuel Kant and David Hume understood that gratitude goes way beyond etiquette. Some observers have gone so far as to equate ingratitude with sin. When you stand on the other side of gratitude you rebel against humility, you take our gift of freedom for granted, you spit in the face of community, and you stand in league with the greed, self-centeredness, and sense of entitlement that is ruining this country.

A good start would be for the ingrates among us to slow down, and show gratitude for the good things in their own lives. Take that step and it may be possible for these people to recognize that we are, in fact, not alone – and that’s a pretty wonderful thing.

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